How to Navigate your Marriage for Success

How to Navigate your Marriage for Success

How to Navigate your Marriage for Success

“We’re born with the capacity to have a happy marriage, but we still have to work to develop it,” says Reverend Francesca from Mindfulness Marriage Counselling. Having a good marriage takes education and learning every day. “We have to unlearn some bad habits and acquire other good ones.” Couples who remain close and content are the pioneer-spirited among us who share the same secret formula: When problems crop up, they don’t give up. They use the following five basic pieces of advice for a good marriage that can help every couple live (more) happily ever after.

1. Listen Up!  Everybody has the need to be listened to and fully understood, right? regardless of what you think!. You need to make your partner feel heard, even if that means pushing aside some anxiety or sitting on your hands rather than offering advice when your partner needs to talk. Sometimes simply repeating what your spouse has said, is enough to let him or her know that you’ve been listening. For example, say something like, “I understand you’re upset because I didn’t take out the trash.” Or “I hear that you want to talk about what happened at the office today. Show that you’re paying attention to your partner’s concerns.

2. Set aside regular couple time. “Early on in a relationship couples talk as friends, they do fun things,” says Reverend Francesca. Over time, those ways of connecting change. Work, family, financial woes, all have a way of overtaking daily life and eroding the sense of fun that brought you two together in the first place. Bring the fun back – even if you have to schedule it in the calendar once every week, once a month. Sharing a physical activity, like a bike ride or a walk around the block, is especially good for lifting your spirits along with your heart rate. Activities like going out for an intimate dinner, staying at home and playing music and dancing or sitting together snuggling, or watching a favorite movie (will help you both remember why you chose each other). Make the dating effort.

3. Don’t throw things. Of course, you and your partner are not going to agree about everything. But in expressing disagreement to your partner, playground rules apply — no insults, name calling, or throwing things. “If you disagree, do it in a civil way,” says Reverend Francesca. If you go down the above path, be quick to stop yourself and apologize. If your disagreement seems to be escalating, call a mutually agreed upon time-out, and make a plan to continue the discussion after a cooling-off period. Keeping things on a calm for your marriage. When in doubt, follow this advice to resolve conflicts:

Whenever you’re wrong, admit it.

Whenever you’re right, hush.

4. Turn up the heat. “If your sex life is diminishing or you’re not having sex as often as one partner in the relationship would like, then you have to make getting your intimate life back on track a priority,” says Reverend Francesca. At the beginning when we’re wooing our partners, we make this tremendous effort, and after we get into a relationship, we put that on the back burner. Why?, because we are comfortable. Think about your partner as someone you want – and someone you want to entice to fall in love with you over and over again. Pay attention to your grooming, be romantic, don’t take your partner for granted. Fall in love with your partner over and over again as a new day begins.

5. Ask for what you want – nicely. “If there’s something you’d like your spouse to do, you have choices,” says Reverend Francesca. Keep it to yourself and let it fester or smack talk them to your friends. The best choice really, is to talk about it with your partner. How are they supposed to know that you wish they would bring home flowers or that a back rub would be nice? Tell them – simply, sweetly, and directly. Don’t drop obscure hints – this is not a test to see if he or she loves you. It’s about giving yourself permission to ask for what you want and requesting it lovingly – without accusations or guilt-tripping. If they gets defensive and discussion becomes impossible, you might consider seeing a marriage counselor who can offer advice for a good marriage. Men and Women alike — don’t realize that even small gestures go a long way to making our partners, and our marriages, HAPPY.

At the very least, a hug goes a long way after a tough day. Remember that!

Still Struggling!

No worries “I got You“. Get in touch here to schedule a session with me to a happier, healthier marriage and partnership.

PSST ~ “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, and neither is your relationship.

Be Well… xo Reverend Francesca

Daily Mindfulness Tips To Strengthen Your Marriage

Daily Mindfulness Tips To Strengthen Your Marriage

Daily Mindfulness Tips to Strengthen your Marriage

Some couples may hear the term “mindfulness” and think of it as complicated or impossible to practice regularly.

The fact of the matter is, at its core, mindfulness is just about paying attention to what’s going on around you. It’s the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis.

Here are some Tips to help you strengthen any relationship include your own with yourself.

Morning Glory

Pay close attention to how your mind and body feel as soon as you wake up in the morning. If you wake up tired, not feeling well, stressed, take time to pause. Pray, meditate, stretch, listen to positive energy boosting music. Allow yourself time to shift  the mood.

Practice mindful eating.

Make a conscious effort to slow down and savor your food and really enjoy what you made. Not only can this help you be more aware of what foods you are eating, but it is also an easy way to remind you to check in with your body and also check in with your partner enjoying a meal together.

Take time to connect with your partner.

I strongly encourage my couples to set aside time throughout each day to connect and practice mindful listening at least 30 minutes a day. Think about what your spouse is saying and resist expressing any judgment or opinion. Sometimes it’s more important just to listen and be present in the moment to validate their emotions.

Acknowledge all your emotions, even the most challenging ones.

Whether you are anxious, depressed, excited, or scared, turn towards that emotion, do not run from it. Look to your partner for comfort and focus on the present, rather than difficult moments. Acknowledge the emotion and spend time with it to figure out what is behind the emotional trigger. It could be something that was said, heard, read and you need to break it down.

Explore gratitude.

When was the last time you thanked your other half? When was the last time you took a moment to be grateful for all that you have. Have you ever written down how much you love and appreciate each other? Try this at home. This daily practice helps to increase connection and satisfaction in your relationships.

Shift into a positive mindset.

If you and your spouse are struggling to communicate, try to zero in on your conscious behavioral and emotional awareness with a helpful cue. Ex: A coffee break, a stress ball, music, or a walk outside in crisp air. This changes the mindset and shifts it back to positivity.

Be Unapologetically You

Don’t apologize for who you are and whom you’ve become. You have and still are going through an incredible journey with your beautiful soul. Own it and don’t look back. Learn, Grown and Flourish and remove anything or anyone from your souls home that doesn’t make you sing.

Allow your thoughts to wander without criticism or judgment.

Practicing mindfulness every day can directly affect the health and happiness of your relationships. So, pay close attention to what’s going on around you, find new routines, and make a conscious effort to monitor your behavior. No matter how you choose to practice being mindful, your marriage is sure to benefit.

Contact me for more information about my Marriage Mindfulness Counselling.





xo Reverend Francesca
The 5 Qualities of a Successful Marriage

The 5 Qualities of a Successful Marriage

The 5 Qualities of a Successful Marriage

There is data to support the idea that happy people, and more specifically happy marriages, share common characteristics.

Here I will discuss in detail the 5 qualities of a Successful Marriage in my ” Marriage Mindfulness” Series.


Happy, healthy marriages are marked by a deep and abiding friendship. One observable sign of a healthy friendship and a happy marriage is seen in how they interact, finding that spouses nurture their friendships by demonstrating fondness and admiration, respect and allowing the other to  be their own person. They quickly keep note of their spouse’s likes and dislikes. Respect and communication are strongly associated with couples happiness along with their sex lives, romance and passion.


Happy marriages and satisfying relationships are marked by a form of “flow”, with a matching of beliefs, values, ideas, humor, even body language movements. I find that happy couples more frequently laugh together, confide in each other, work well on projects together and can discuss issues regardless if they are not on the same page. They will come back to the table and discuss their concerns once they both have had a time to digest the other partners ideas and suggestions.


Affection is felt by mutual feelings of fondness, love and tenderness. Affection felt between a couple in love is sometimes silent with their eyes, a touch or a gesture. Affection is important in a marriage. It can be something so simple as a smile, a word, a touch and even a silent hug towards your partner, especially when they are having a day of struggles. Feelings and emotions are the foundation in the pleasure and joy we experience in life, separately and together as a couple.


James (James 1:19) healthy relationships put into practice the notion of being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. These are signs of not only good communication patterns, but of an unselfish regard for the welfare of others. Many couples note with some sadness that the degree of their own selfishness became clearer as their new chapter together commenced. It is important to understand that we as humans have to love and respect ourselves before we can engage in a partnership with another human being. Loving yourself unconditionally first gives you the knowledge to love deeply, give deeply and understand without judgement.


A spiritually intimate marriage is one where couples pray together seeking God in the lives daily.

These five qualities ” friendship, togetherness, affection, other-focused, and shared spirituality” are often found in the people who describe their marriages as “happy.” Finding profound calmness, togetherness, friendship, understanding, respect, kindness, love and non judgement is what a firm foundation of “Marriage Mindfulness” is about.

Connect with ME

To find out how I can help you achieve this as a couple who is living together, engaged to be married and or married, please click here to schedule a consultation with me towards a happier, healthier life together.


xo Reverend Francesca
wedding planner, day of coordinator, wedding officiant


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