How to Navigate your Marriage for Success
“We’re born with the capacity to have a happy marriage, but we still have to work to develop it,” says Reverend Francesca from Mindfulness Marriage Counselling. Having a good marriage takes education and learning every day. “We have to unlearn some bad habits and acquire other good ones.” Couples who remain close and content are the pioneer-spirited among us who share the same secret formula: When problems crop up, they don’t give up. They use the following five basic pieces of advice for a good marriage that can help every couple live (more) happily ever after.
1. Listen Up! Everybody has the need to be listened to and fully understood, right? regardless of what you think!. You need to make your partner feel heard, even if that means pushing aside some anxiety or sitting on your hands rather than offering advice when your partner needs to talk. Sometimes simply repeating what your spouse has said, is enough to let him or her know that you’ve been listening. For example, say something like, “I understand you’re upset because I didn’t take out the trash.” Or “I hear that you want to talk about what happened at the office today. Show that you’re paying attention to your partner’s concerns.
2. Set aside regular couple time. “Early on in a relationship couples talk as friends, they do fun things,” says Reverend Francesca. Over time, those ways of connecting change. Work, family, financial woes, all have a way of overtaking daily life and eroding the sense of fun that brought you two together in the first place. Bring the fun back – even if you have to schedule it in the calendar once every week, once a month. Sharing a physical activity, like a bike ride or a walk around the block, is especially good for lifting your spirits along with your heart rate. Activities like going out for an intimate dinner, staying at home and playing music and dancing or sitting together snuggling, or watching a favorite movie (will help you both remember why you chose each other). Make the dating effort.
3. Don’t throw things. Of course, you and your partner are not going to agree about everything. But in expressing disagreement to your partner, playground rules apply — no insults, name calling, or throwing things. “If you disagree, do it in a civil way,” says Reverend Francesca. If you go down the above path, be quick to stop yourself and apologize. If your disagreement seems to be escalating, call a mutually agreed upon time-out, and make a plan to continue the discussion after a cooling-off period. Keeping things on a calm for your marriage. When in doubt, follow this advice to resolve conflicts:
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it.
Whenever you’re right, hush.
4. Turn up the heat. “If your sex life is diminishing or you’re not having sex as often as one partner in the relationship would like, then you have to make getting your intimate life back on track a priority,” says Reverend Francesca. At the beginning when we’re wooing our partners, we make this tremendous effort, and after we get into a relationship, we put that on the back burner. Why?, because we are comfortable. Think about your partner as someone you want – and someone you want to entice to fall in love with you over and over again. Pay attention to your grooming, be romantic, don’t take your partner for granted. Fall in love with your partner over and over again as a new day begins.
5. Ask for what you want – nicely. “If there’s something you’d like your spouse to do, you have choices,” says Reverend Francesca. Keep it to yourself and let it fester or smack talk them to your friends. The best choice really, is to talk about it with your partner. How are they supposed to know that you wish they would bring home flowers or that a back rub would be nice? Tell them – simply, sweetly, and directly. Don’t drop obscure hints – this is not a test to see if he or she loves you. It’s about giving yourself permission to ask for what you want and requesting it lovingly – without accusations or guilt-tripping. If they gets defensive and discussion becomes impossible, you might consider seeing a marriage counselor who can offer advice for a good marriage. Men and Women alike — don’t realize that even small gestures go a long way to making our partners, and our marriages, HAPPY.
At the very least, a hug goes a long way after a tough day. Remember that!
No worries “I got You“. Get in touch here to schedule a session with me to a happier, healthier marriage and partnership.
PSST ~ “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, and neither is your relationship.
Be Well… xo Reverend Francesca